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Saturday, August 21, 2010

Who "Gets" You?
By webmaster @ 12:01 AM :: 923 Views :: 6 Comments :: Nina Frost

I remember the weekend board meeting I was attending years ago when we broke for the day after working hard and gathered to relax. I was feeling warm and fuzzy about my fellow board members, feeling a part of the team, feeling safe and productive.

Then one of the head folk looked at me and another person and said, “You know, I just don’t get you. I don’t get you at all.”

The other woman included in this comment, a venerable college dean, seemed admirably amused and curious, quite nonplussed. I, on the other hand, felt mortally wounded. What? Where did this come from? I felt years of what I thought were warm connections at board meetings slipping away, not to mention what I assumed were my contributions.

Leaving aside the obvious therapeutic issues here, and the missed chance to engage and challenge this fellow right back, as I nursed my wine and my deep resulting silence, I think this moment is something we all know about: Wanting to be known, accepted, even celebrated. Even more pointedly, wanting to be understood. It’s a wonderful thing when someone—a friend, a boss, a lover, a parent, yes, even a church looks us in the eye and says: “Hey I get you. I really get you.” And they like what they see. And, relief of reliefs, you don’t have to translate, you don’t have to explain yourself. You’re home.

This, friends, is also theology. A key question heard over the years as a way to suss out someone is “Am I safe with your theology?” Same with a church: Am I safe here? Will I be welcomed? Not am I safe from being challenged or invited to grow; indeed any church worth the name should be a dangerous place of transformation. But will people get me as I am, and welcome me as Jesus welcomed all? That is the measure of a place, and Marble has a long history of indeed being that sort of place. Starting with “The Welcoming Christ” window.

In your own lives, think of the places, and the people, where your essence is not only grasped but welcomed. And think of where it is not. Some of those places may be growing edges, yes; others are places to put behind you and move on. Therein lies discernment, and probably a lot of prayer. Think also of the people in your midst who long to be seen, to be “gotten.” What do they need to hear from you?

Comments

By SniffNY @ Saturday, August 21, 2010 2:19 AM

A "dangerous place of transformation." What is meant by that, particularly the dangerous part?

By NHFrost @ Tuesday, August 24, 2010 9:50 PM

Great question. Two things came to mind as I was writing this piece. One was my hope, and my own personal experience, that the right church at the right time can turn your life around. And by definition, transformation, of the kind Jesus stands for, is dangerous--to the status quo, to our idea of what is possible, to our sense of ourselves.

The second thing is this famous quote of Annie Dillard's on the danger in a church that means business. I've always loved it, and no doubt I was referencing it in my heart as I typed my own thoughts:

“On the whole, I do not find Christians, outside the catacombs, sufficiently sensible of the conditions. Does anyone have the foggiest idea what sort of power we so blithely invoke? Or, as I suspect, does no one believe a word of it? The churches are children playing on the floor with their chemistry sets, mixing up a batch of TNT to kill a Sunday morning. It is madness to wear ladies' straw hats and velvet hats to church; we should all be wearing crash helmets. Ushers should issue life preservers and signal flares; they should lash us to our pews. For the sleeping god may wake some day and take offense, or the waking god may draw us out to where we can never return."
(Teaching a Stone to Talk, Harper & Row, 1982)

By SniffNY @ Wednesday, August 25, 2010 8:26 AM

Groan. Maybe I’m too content or even arrogant to turn my life around. I prefer minor course corrections to U turns. I’ve had to turn my life around in a big way already, how many times do I need to do that? I’m probably taking your comments to literally. Or maybe I should take them literally. Maybe that is a true test of faith. To transform when there is no immediate crisis would definitely be a leap of faith.

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond so thoughtfully to my question. And thank you also for your discipline of blogging.

By NHFrost @ Wednesday, August 25, 2010 10:49 AM

Thank YOU for the dialogue... a key feature of these blogs. You raise such an important point that I need to clarify: The church as place of transformation hope is definitely not one size fits all, nor one timing fits all. When we are in need, or are amidst big U turns, it s a blessings to have a church that can contain, challenge and encourage us in these times.

But that does not mean we have to incur these transformations all the time, especially during those blessed times when, as you indicate, a course correction is called for. We are all an experiment of one. You will know when it's time for a bigger upheaval; thankfully, that is not all the time.

I suspect you are neither "too content" nor "arrogant" but are in a place of relative calm between U turns, where the discernment about what to tweak or change is more subtle. Definitely a place to pray from, so that any moves you make, or don't make, come from your own timing and stirrings. Thanks again for living the questions...

By SniffNY @ Wednesday, August 25, 2010 12:29 PM

Ah, yes. So true. Just one more thought I would add that without continued focus on God’s call for each of us, we could easily fall asleep at the wheel of our lives and veer off course so far that a mere course correction would be inadequate. Contentment could become complacency, which if left unattended, could become crisis.

By NHFrost @ Friday, August 27, 2010 3:17 PM

Just had to say how much I loved your last comment... truly the "last word" on this interesting discussion... you capture the essence of the dilemma and the ongoing invitation and need to discern. Bingo. Whoever you are, Marble is blessed to have you in our midst. Onward...

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